On Smiling and Such

Alright, let's be serious. I know it's not obvious (hopefully it is, but I think not) that I've been sparing you from my inner-most teenage thoughts, but I have. Except for this post. Instead of being less dramatic, I'm going to unleash the rushing falls of Rachel's insides at this point in her life. Oh, and please don't pop my bubble, unless you feel that I really need to know the truth about the following. It occurred to me recently that I've never been in love. (Alright, stop groaning. It's like when I tell my dad that I'd rather not have him watch a chic-flick with me and he says he'll be good, and all I can hear the rest of the movie is groaning and chuckling coming from his corner). Alright, I'll continue. I'm just being self-conscious about showing this part of myself. You know? Anyway, a lot of very interesting things in life have been revealing themselves to me lately. It's not like I wasn't paying attention before, but suddenly they seem real and true and important. I have never been in love. Yes, I've had crushes and constantly been thinking about a certain someone and nothing else, which is not healthy and I wouldn't suggest it. But I've never actually been loved, or loved someone, like that. Isn't that delightful? that I have something so grand and heart-tearing ahead of me? It is grand. I am filled with excitement and joy and, in the meantime, levelheadedness (I thought I should add that in there with the rest of them). It also amazes me that level-headedness came up as incorrect, while levelheadedness did not. What a world, what a world.