Studio 60

Now is the time to stop procrastinating and start actually doing something, says she. I must have watched more than a day, really, of television shows on hulu.com, of the Harvey Girls, of Martian Child and Ghost Town, of After the Thin Man, clips of I was a Male War Bride, Homeless to Harvard (which I confused with the Harvey Girls, but that distinction has been clarified), and Mr. Deeds Goes to Town. All while on break for a week. Apparently, it's winter. I have papers to write, pieces to practice, rooms to rearrange and clean up, words like scume (scy-oom) to push into my vocabularic brain, mothers to be forgiven of, tests to study for, and food not to eat. So I sit here, yearning for more Studio 60 and Heroes, chocolate cheesecake with oreos and answers to half-hearted, silly questions, and procrastinating. That is what I am. I am a procrastinator. Of time and purpose. I always thought that sounded cool... ever since I'd added the last bit on. And yet, procrastinating isn't cool. It isn't fun. Yes, I enjoy the time not spent doing something I don't want to do. But I could probably count the number of times I've reviewed something that I'd written, just because I'm used to the idea that you work at 2am, even though you don't want to, and print it out the next morning to try not to be late for school. I wonder what would happen if someone actually read my essays. :( Somehow, I think the world would end. But maybe it would teach me a lesson that I've needed to learn for a long, long time. And Studio 60. I'm finished with the season. I've spent the last forever just watching, just waiting to see what happened with Harriet and what's-his-name... Matt. I find myself doing Harriet impersonations, but I'm really just trying to act like she would in a situation. Somehow, that doesn't sound like the best idea. Where has the world gone? Where has my brain gone, my work ethic, my faith, my attempts at kindness and service and being sensitive to the pain of others? Where has my love for people gone? Why did it disappear so suddenly? I don't want to be a bad movie star impersonator for the rest of my life; I don't want to find myself, or others, ridiculous. I don't want to keep putting off what needs to be done just because I trust myself enough to beat time. I almost always can. But what has that taught me? Where am I going?