A Doorway

"A doorway..." he says. I've been trying to understand lately what happens with doorways... well, doors, actually. If you don't walk through a doorway, does it disappear? I feel like, lately, I've been shutting a lot of doors, slamming them in my own face. These have been missed opportunities that weren't just missed; they were completely extinguished by what I've done, by how I've chosen to act. I'm not sure why it's been that way lately. I've thought so much more about myself, something that definitely hasn't been helping. Like I've had no desire to do anything I don't want to do, even if I know I should. I like to think that, on my better days, that's not the way my mind works, that I want to do hard things because they're hard. Hopefully, those opportunities haven't disappeared just because I'm in a state right now where I can't appreciate the magnitude of my actions and the consequences. It's been kind of difficult to sort it out in my head, but I know that, somehow, if I do what I'm supposed to, the doors will last a little while longer. Long enough for me to wonder if they're the right ones to walk through.